The Odds are Good…

Tired. Even though I got a fairly good rest last night, it’s all catching up to me.

The goal today is a decent BM. (Sorry if that’s TMI, but hey, that was what’s required to get out of here!) We were looking for proof that the bleeding had stopped and things are getting back to normal. I think solid thoughts.

It’s raining and about 50 degrees out. Hard to believe it’s the middle of July. The fog rolls over the hill behind the hospital. Sometimes I can see the trees, sometimes I can’t. Other cruise ships are docked where the Diamond Princess was yesterday. I imagine for a moment what I would be doing if I wasn’t here, but still on the ship in the next port.

Susie comes in this morning to check in. Since I have the room to myself now and it doesn’t look like there will be any further roommates, I ask if she can stay with me tonight. My great nurses, Jason and Jared, find a reclining chair and Susie checks out of the Best Western and into Hotel Hospital.

The internet’s free here, so Susie hangs out for a bit using my computer before she goes off to venture again. She took some nice pics of flowers and Native American stuff.

I’m still on IV and want it out. The doc stops by to chat and see what’s happening. He suggests that I get my butt out of bed and do some walking. I’m tired and a little afraid that I might slip and rip the IV needle out of the top of my hand, where it has been plaguing me for the last couple of days. I also have to breathe in this plastic rectangular anti-pneumonia thing. There’s a little ball in a chamber that floats when I breathe hard in it. As a person who practices yoga, I pride myself on my deep breathing, but this is hard. Where’s my breath?

The good news is that the blood tests show that my hematocrit is up. The transfusion worked and now I am also making more blood. Yesterday, when good Doctor Burman found out that I got my blood directly from folks and not from a blood bank, he almost jumped up and down with glee. “That’s the best blood you can get! Whole blood!” I guess the blood from the blood bank is separated out more and then mixed together with everyone else. I had five bags from five different people. Yay for me.

The bad news is that, after a little nap, I wake up in a sweat. What the heck?

The day drags on. I have more visitors from the port authority, the hospital chaplain stops by (nice lady), and there are more calls from Carol Topping. Sometime in the afternoon it hits me what has happened. What if I had had kidney failure and they couldn’t help me? What if I got so sick I couldn’t take care of my family? What if I couldn’t come home at all? What if there were some bad bugs in the blood that I so readily received? What if… what if… what if… I’m crying now, spiraling into despair, staring out at the gray day.

When sweet Jason the nurse came in and saw my sad condition, he stood at the end of my bed and in the nicest way possible, told me to quit feeling sorry for myself and get my ass out of bed and walk. With a sniffle, I know he’s right and off I go. I’ve only been off my feet for a couple of days and I’m surprised at how much effort I have to put into this.

Susie comes back and I hear about her adventures and see some gorgeous pictures. Dreamy Doctor Burman comes by to see what’s shakin’. We joke about Susie finding love in Alaska. Doctor Burman quotes: “The odds are good, but the goods are odd.” I like him more and more, especially when he orders me a good solid food dinner and there’s so much I can share it with Susie. We walk the halls together in an after-dinner stroll.

No BM yet, but the breathing and walking are coming much easier. I’m feeling much better and I have decided that the odds are good that tomorrow I am going to check out of here.